Hi all,
To fall right back into my pre-summer pattern, I am very sorry I have not updated for a while. I will not bore you with useless, unbelievable explanations though, but get straight to the (hopefully) interesting stuff.
I am not well. Or, I should say I am relatively unwell. My Delhi belly is still here, although admittedly in a much less serious state, and I am feeling the effects. I am not suffering from the explosive type of diarrhoea that forces you to make a run for the bathroom and hope for the best whenever you feel just the slightest tinkling anymore. Nor am I any longer plagued by cramps and spams in my intestines before and after going to the bathroom. Actually, my condition is under control and things seem to be returning to normal - although there is obviously still something wrong but I will not bore you with the gross details. I have had lots of general antibiotics and other types of killers which have obviously helped but unfortunately not resolved the problem. I am still waiting for the results of tests to be able to fight whatever it is that has nested in my gut more efficiently.
I must say I am quite fed up with it though. Not just with the diarrhoea and medication that does not solve anything, but also with the Italian healthcare system. Italians are paranoid and hypochondriacs and therefore feel the need to have full checkups every two years or so. I, on the other hand, coming from a country where you are taught only to go and see your doctor when there is a serious indication, have obviously never had one before. When my doctor heard this, she nearly fainted and frantically started typing out pages and pages of blood and urine tests that I had to do. That is in addition to the faeces tests she had already told us to do because of the diarrhoea. As it would never even occur to me to doubt a doctor, I consented ("Well, alright, better safe than sorry!!") and did not worry since I have had health insurance in this country for over two years and I assumed basic checkups would be part of that. I could not have been more wrong. Having health insurance in this country means that you pay less than if you do not, it does not cover anything. Which in my case meant I had to pay 70 euros for tests I did not even need. Moreover, GPs in this country are apparently unable to perform even the simplest medical procedures and I had to go to the hospital to get all my tests done. Not only did this mean waiting for an hour three days in a row (we had to do some tests three times on successive days), it also meant filling in piles and piles of paperwork before even getting to see a nurse. And on top of that, it takes between one and two weeks before you get your results back!
As you can imagine, I was not very happy. I was feeling crappy at the time and just wanted to be helped (you know, get some CARE like most sick people do). I had lost 8 kilos in about 5 weeks (about 4 of those I had to get rid of anyway but the other half - which I lost in one week - scared me a lot) and am still physically quite weak - though not working out for two months may have something to do with that as well. Last Tuesday, I slipped off the sidewalk thanks to my new shiny shoes without grip and hit a lamppost with my ribs which are now bruised and hurt whenever I move. But, worst of all, I have a zip on the inside of nose which itches like hell!! Can you imagine the horrors of my life???? *wallowing in self-pity*
Anyway, things have not all been bad. Hotel O&F has opened its doors again and we have been entertaining Jochen (who was here for a conference), Bart and Tineke (who stopped over on their way back from Tuscany) and Lars and Rachel (who were here to celebrate a weekend without children - aka booze up and play games!). Their visits were very enjoyable, though unfortunately not too good for the strict observation of our diet and drinking alcohol while taking antibiotics is usually not such a good idea! Oh well, Tuesdays at La Hora Feliz are back with a vengeance and are now rather the rule than spontaneous gettogethers that happened to be planned on Tuesdays because they always had been. Whatever, it is good to have your own bar! Oh, and I have discovered a new drink: Mojito champagne, yummy!!!
There have also been some changes in my professional life. Changes for the better, I think. I had agreed with Caroline to support her doing admin and course management work in September while she was looking for a replacement for Veronica (our former course manager who left because she found a better job). After a couple of days, she asked me as a joke if I did not want to do it for real and after thinking about it for a night I told her I would like to give it a try. Even though she knew I am only staying until next summer, she offered me a shitload of money if I would do it, which took away any doubts I might still have had about that impulsive decision. So, I am finishing the courses I still have and am easing into office work.
It is a challenge though. It is good money but I am also experiencing some difficulties. On the one hand, there is a lot of information missing that Veronica had in her head and I can not find anywhere - but clearing messes up, getting to the bottom of things, filing and archiving are some of my strengths and things I like doing so that will be fine. On the other hand, I have realised that my Italian just is not up to the mark. It is good and as long I am writing I do not have any problems, but I have found out that my knowledge of Italian is very theoretical. Ask me about subjunctives and conditionals and I can apply the forms correctly - besides telling you fascinating stories about their etymology and linguistic development - but basic, down-to-earth, colloquial Italian is very different from that. I am too focused on applying the correct grammar rules and pronouncing everything in a right way which, combined with my businesslike approach, does not seem to work well with Italians who apparently need to be cooed and wooed. In other words, I apparently come off polite but very direct and not friendly enough. Clashing cultures. I would not dream of making small talk on the phone with random strangers about the weather or how difficult it is to start work again after the holidays when I am supposed to represent a company. But apparently Italians do expect just that!
So, I am worried about having made the right decision and perhaps also about taking on too much. I am tired, feel that things are escaping me and have to send myself an email reminding me that I still have to do something I should have done but forgot. But beginnings are always hard I guess, and perhaps I am even more insecure because I still do not know what is going on inside my body. Vediamo!
Another reason for doubt is that the more students finish their courses, the more I realise how much I am giving up. Teaching English to individuals or small groups is much more than a job. When you see people once or twice a week for a long time, you get close to them. A good teacher is an attentive and trustworthy listener and people talk to you about anything they want. You find out so much about their personal lives, their plans and worries, their fears and hopes. You learn more about their past, present and future than you had thought the grammatical tenses you teach them could imply. But you are not some kind of psychologist, you share a lot of yourself too. You become friends, even though it is just for a short time. As a teacher you have many short-lived, fleeting friendships whose end may cause you pain. I had not realised how much it would hurt me to give up this type of life. The life of spending much time with people talking about their innermost feelings, of traveling for hours a day and of reading at least one book a week, the life of irregular hours and of long days, but also the life of satisfaction after a long day's work has born its fruits and your students are confidently using the constructions and vocabulary you taught them. Maybe it is all for the best though, perhaps this way it will be easier for me to cut the cords when we leave this place a few months from now. It will still be hard saying goodbye to my real friends but at least I will not be bothered by the additional weight of these temporary but profound short friendships.
In short, I am in doubt. But then again, that is nothing new. On to the future. This weekend, we are going to have a Costa Rican dinner with Diana and Jorge and have a 'primitivo' red wine party planned with Cinzia and Louisa. In early October, we are going to test new wine produce at a wine festival in Valtellina with Jen, Louisa and Kate and obviously we are coming to The Netherlands in mid October to look at our new nephews/nephew and niece who will be born by then. We are there from 16 until 21 October so let us meet up!!!
Keeping my fingers crossed for the girls, you have nearly made it! Just a few more days and you will have beautiful children!
Ciao, Fe
