Halloween pictures

It has been far too long and I have a lot of pictures to show you. Here are some of the pictures from our Halloween party (30th October), which are long overdue:

Olaf was very proud at having carved his own pumpkin monster faces

 The house was well-decorated, we even had a dead body lying in the bath tub!

 There were cobwebs everywhere...

 Can you guess who I am supposed to be? I'll give you a hint, it has something to do with the day after Halloween...

 Odin the wanderer

 Interesting couple we make, huh?

 A little CELTA reunion

 Kerstin actually came dressed up AS a pumpkin

 So which one is Myra's real face?

 John had to handle more than he had expected

 Being very social people, we had also invited some people from the lower Berliner social classes: Cindy und Günther aus Marzahn

 Oles seemed to like his wife's new look, but then again, don't all Ukrainian men really want a babushka deep down inside?

 She goes crazy sometimes. We all go a bit crazy sometimes...

 A Berlin School of English mug, a little nostalgia for Lisa

 Alexander's Ghostbuster costume was awesome!

 Ah look, the zombies have come to join the fray

 ...As has Athena the War Goddess, who looked surprisingly like Cleopatra

 We quickly realised we had made a huge mistake in inviting the lowlives

 Although I may have lost some sainthood as well that night...

 They simply did not know how to behave!

 But then again, neither did I...

The zombie nurse and hanged man sure did know how to party for dead people!

Fedor vs German bureaucracy

Alright, let me tell you a little story. It is a true story that spans over a year and has only reached it's conclusion today. If you are not interested in reading anything about the inefficiency of the German bureaucracy, please feel free to skip to the next post. If, however, you think you would enjoy reading about how the German Agentur für Arbeit kept me busy for over a year, had me spend countless hours in waiting rooms in two different countries and laughed me in the face when all was accomplished, please read on.

It all started in April 2009 when my Italian contract expired. I was still in Italy at the time and the company I was working was not doing very well and could not afford to renew my contract. Besides, Olaf had just accepted a job in Germany and I was going to move to Berlin in a month anyway. I spent my last month in Germany mainly still working (as part of a private agreement I had made with my employer) and saying goodbye to friends.

I then moved to Berlin on June, 1st and got started immediately. I got registered as a resident, got myself a tax number to be able to work as a freelancer and hoped to find work soon. Unfortunately, it was summer time and schools were not hiring. It took me until September to get at least a little bit of work in. Once I realised I was not going to get any teaching work in the normal way, I decided to go to the German Federal Employment Agency (Bundesagentur für Arbeit) to see if they could help me. The Arbeitsamt (as it is colloquially known) both facilitates the search for new jobs as well as arranges unemployment benefits for those out of a job.

The Arbeitsamt is a lesson in patience. It is run by identical-looking brainless women in their mid-40s who have never heard of the concepts of efficiency or hurry. They sit at desks and are surrounded by piles of useless paper, which they slowly enter into a database everyone can access from home (and could therefore update themselves). After being given a 7-page form to fill out and waiting for about 90 minutes, I was called in to an office where a very eager lady actively started copying everything I had filled out into her database. After sitting in silence for an hour while waiting for her to finish, the lady told me I was now done for the day and needed to come back the week after. As I said before, I could have entered all those data myself from home.

The next week, after waiting for about an hour, I was called in to a different office where a nearly identical lady asked me whether I needed money. I told her I was more interested in finding a new job and hoped they could help with that. She told me the Arbeitsamt does not help people find jobs. She did however tell me she had told the computer to generate a password for me so I could use their database, which includes all the ads from newspaper and job sites (i.e. the kind of websites one can easily find oneself), which was the only thing they had done with all the information I had given them. She then gave me a piece paper with an appointment for two months later in case I still had not found a job.

Two months later - it was now August - , I still had not found any proper work with any language schools (apart from the odd private lesson here and there), I went back and told a third (almost identical) lady my story. She asked me if I need money - which is apparently the first thing the people at the Arbeitsamt expect you to ask about, whereas I had rather think positively and want them to help me get a job. She told me they still would not help me find a job but that it was perhaps time to start getting some unemployment benefits. I heartily agreed and she told me I needed a European form (E301) from the social security authorities in Italy stating how long I had works, how much I had paid in contributions etc. The lady then gave me another appointment for two months later, which I later canceled because I found work with two different language schools in September. By that time I had been officially unemployed for 4 months (May - August 2009).

Having some experience with the way things work in Italy, I knew getting a form from INPS was going to be a long shot but I decided to try and get it anyway. After all, it was something I was entitled to after working and paying social contributions for two years. I won't bore you with the specifics but will run you quickly through the process. It took me a couple of emails (none of which INPS ever responded to), a couple of phone calls (which they never answered), and 4 visits to INPS every single time I went back to Milan (which obviously does not happen every week). The first time they were closed, the second time they told me they would send it but never did, the third time they were closed and the fourth time they were apologetic about not having sent it but told me they had closed my file. I did, however, manage to get the lovely lady who helped me to give me her direct email address and after a couple of weeks the form finally arrived.

The whole procedure had taken up to a year and it was now October 2010. Confident that this situation would finally be resolved and proud of my own perseverance, I went back to the Arbeitsamt, where I was told they had never heard of me. The lady at the reception told me point blank - though with an apologetic smile - that random losses of information sometimes occurred in their system. I was given a new form to fill out to see if they could find my data again but nothing helped. A fourth identical lady told me to go back home and bring them all the printouts they had given me the year before. But I stayed positive, OK, so there was a glitch in the system. That happens, I guess...

So, I finally went back today with every single piece of paper any German government authority had ever given or sent me. In a daunting conclusion to the story, I was told the following things by a 5th lady who went by yet a different name but looked exactly like the other four:

1) The loss of all my data had not been a random incident. According to a certain German data protection law, the Arbeitsamt is only allowed to keep people's data for 10 months, after which they have to delete everything, regardless of whether they case is still open or closed. My jaw dropped in amazement.

2) I had brought them the wrong form. I needed form E303, not E301, and it was absolutely impossible that any of the other identical ladies had given me the wrong information. Besides, there was a mistake in the information on the form (the Italian lady had accidentally typed 2007 instead of 2009 as the year in which my Italian contract ended). It was quite clear what was meant by it but she could not possibly do anything with a form with mistakes on it. I was to get a different form and to get the information on this one changed. I was disappointed and annoyed that someone at the Arbeitsamt had apparently lied to me about which form I needed.

3) No matter what form I brought them, I would not be able to apply for unemployment benefits over a past period to be paid out to me anyway. Even though it was clear I did not have a job in the summer of 2009, none of the ladies I had met had thought of registering me as unemployed. And as I had not been registered as unemployed when I was unemployed, I could not be registered as having been unemployed in the past retroactively. In other words, all my efforts had been pointless. They must simply have forgotten to tell me that in 2009. So, on the one hand they had not been able to register me as unemployed because they had needed data from Italy, and on the other hand they could not register me as having been unemployed now that I finally had the information (albeit with mistakes and on the wrong form). She could not explain to me why I had been told to get that form if it had been clear from the beginning it would not have helped anyway.

Game over. I have spent hours waiting for my turn at the Arbeitsamt as well as precious time in Milan I could have spent with friends waiting at and fighting with INPS. The whole thing has frustrated me immensely and made bang my head against the wall more than once. And in the end it turns out it was all for nothing. I knew it was not going to be easy and that there was a large chance of my not getting any unemployment money, but, ironically enough, I always assumed the problem would be caused by the Italian bureaucracy. So much for German efficiency and reliability. There is a Dutch version of the proverb 'it's dogged does it' which I adhere to fervently and which loosely translates as 'he who perseveres will win'. I guess not this time.

So, what's the lesson I have learnt today? Red tape is a wonderful means of having people do all sorts of things to keep them from enjoying their lives. And if it is not enough, just lie or not give them all the information they need. I guess it serves me right for being so determined. Trying to get what you have a right to is never a good idea, now is it? Stupid me.

Autumn in Charlottenburg Park

Last weekend, my father and his girlfriend paid us a visit to celebrate his birthday (22 Oct) and my own (28 Oct). Yes, folks, I have now officially entered the 30th year of my life... Which meant I could celebrate yet another birthday as a tween!!!! Anyway, as part of the weekend, we decided to spend some time at Schlosspark Charlottenburg to go for a stroll and admire some more autumn colours. Here are the pictures:










I did not really celebrate my birthday yesterday, but Olaf made us a very nice lasagne and got me cake. Nicole came over to celebrate with us and fun was had, lovely food was eaten, presents were unwrapped, games were played and wine was drunk. It was a very nice, quiet night.

One of the reason I did not celebrate is because we are having a big Halloween party at out house tonight. We have decorated the house with cobwebs, evil paintings, red-eyed critters and whatnot, there's blood on the walls and a dead body in the bath tub and our costumes are going to be awesome. Olaf even got all traditional and carved faces into a couple of pumpkins to get that real Halloween vibe going. I cannot wait for the party to start. Pictures to follow shortly!

Oh, and today is our first wedding anniversary. Which is apparently either called your Cotton (UK) or Paper (US) Anniversary, the names based on the presents you would traditionally get. Nowadays, however, I have read clocks have become the more popular first anniversary gift in the US. So, does that make today into our Clock Wedding Anniversary? How bizarre...

Autumn depression

I do not know how and I do not know why, but I feel horrible. Even though we have had some great weekends with friends (Lisa, Olga & Janine, Stéphanie & Robin, Werner & José) and some lovely things to look forward too (e.g. we are hosting a Halloween party, Olaf is going to DC again while I am going to visit Marike in Rome, Marie & Tom's upcoming wedding and, of course, our 2,5-week holiday to Ethiopia over Christmas), I simply cannot seem to enjoy myself.

The weather sucks, to put it mildly, it is only mid-October and temperatures have dropped phenomenally (max day temperatures between 6 and 9 degrees C) and it rains every day. It seems it has been a long time since the trees abounded with beautiful autumn colours, the rain has swept the leaves off the branches and many trees look sad and depressed, ready for winter. I suppose the concept of another year ending would not bother me as much if I did not know what was coming. Winter was hell last year, three months of frozen snow cover and day temperatures of -15 to -20 degrees. The prospect of another winter like this, or, according to some Siberian scientists, the harshest winter in a thousand years, is simply freaking me out. My fingers and toes froze on a nearly daily basis, the skin on my hands dried out and started to come off and getting anywhere in the city just took incredibly long - which worsened the physical suffering substantially.

You see, they do not really fight the snow in Berlin. Some people get their skis out, some big roads are cleared, but that is it. Cycling becomes almost impossible, ground transport and cars basically come to a halt and the metro, though working, is usually overcrowded and never on time. Last winter, we were away for a month and I did not have that many clients. This year, most of my clients are in remote locations at the edges of Berlin, places public transport does not really get to. I am afraid I will be forced to cycle for hours (which in summer, or at least when it does not rain is quite enjoyable) and that things will be even worse than last winter.

I am sure I will feel better at some point, but right now I cannot really see the end of it. I am imagining 5 months of utter hell and wanting to stay inside. Even the lead-up to Christmas with all its colours, music, markets and glühwein cannot really rally my spirits. For now, I am just really done with this country and would like to move to the equator.

I do not really want to bore all of you with my whining, but this blog is about what is going on in my life - and this is pretty much it. But I will stop now and supply you with some lovely pictures of past events, things you might actually enjoy. They were taken in Park Sanssouci in Potsdam which I visited with Stéphanie and Robin:

Autumn colours

Playing with light

Friedenskirche

The scoundrels themselves

Well, almost, that is. I am still waiting for the official certificate to arrive from Cambridge but I already know I have passed my CELTA (Certificate of English Language Teaching to Adults) Teacher Training Course and am quite happy with the result. I have finished the course itself and passed all of its components and have even been given a preliminary grade: a Pass B. Pass B is the second-to-best grade one can get after a Pass A, which only 2% of all participants ever get. I really wanted to get a Pass A and did my best, but for some very obvious and clear reasons I did not get it and agree I did not deserve to either.

The course itself was intense as well as intensive. It actually was a 4-week intensive course and was everything it promised to be. They had told me beforehand I would not have time for my private life but would be working 12 to 14 hours a day including weekends and they were right. I had initially thought I would be able to do it in less time because of my work experience but - even though I did not spend as much time on many things as others did - it was still heavier than expected. Which is obviously one of the reasons I have been relatively incommunicado for the last couple of weeks and I apologise to anyone I may have a) forgotten, b)harmed,
c) neglected or d) all of the above during this time, most of all Olaf of course.

A good indication of how intense it was is illustrated by the fact that I tended to wake up several times a night believing I was in a classroom without students, unable to find my elaborate lesson plan or simply unable to answer a question one of the students asked me. I am usually quite a sound sleeper and never wake up during the night, nor do I usually remember my dreams.

Intense though it may have been, I am very glad I decided to take this course. Though I did start off feeling much more comfortable in front of a class, with an excellent knowledge of grammar and some quite clear ideas about effective ways of managing a classroom, I found out I still had a lot to learn. It was very interesting to study some teaching methods I had not studied before and very useful to work on my classroom management skills. The course did not include a final examination but we were continually observed during the four weeks the course lasted. The regular feedback we received on the classes we taught, the observations we did and our participation in class were all particularly useful and I have the greatest of respect for the four teacher trainers that guided us through this process. Though most of it was not exactly difficult but did take a lot of effort, I have most definitely learnt a lot and am much more aware of the areas I still need to work on and how to avoid a number of 'traps' or difficult situations I used to walk right into and did not know how to prevent or avoid.

It is strange how being thrown together can also create bonds between people who did not know each other beforehand in a very short time. There were 15 of us trainee teachers and we were divided into 3 subgroups of 5 people we shared the groups we taught with. I really liked the other 4 people in my group and there was a very positive, supporting, constructively critical atmosphere all over. Most of the participants went their separate ways after the course, either back to their country of origin or on to greener pastures to try and find jobs as English teachers, but I was fortunate enough to meet some people who were actually staying in Berlin. My social life is Berlin is not that extensive yet and I welcome these new additions wholeheartedly. Bring on the good times!!

The first week after I finished my CELTA I got to do a lot of holiday substitutions, as well as to start up my own courses again, which meant I did not really get the time to relax and get up to speed again. I really enjoyed Lisa's visit last weekend, but that also meant important things such as updating this blog had to wait for just a little bit longer. This week is somewhat better though and I finally feel like I can breathe again - although I do fear a virus that has been lingering in my body has decided to take advantage of this situation to finally make me suffer a little bit. Oh well, I am just glad it did not do so any earlier.

We're going to Bavaria next week to tour the region for a couple of days and end up for a taste of the famous Oktoberfest with Jen, Massimo, Kate, Flora, Shruti, Gianni, Jules and some more Milan/Sardegna friends. I can't wait!!!

Brothers & Sisters

Instead of relating all about my trips to Prague, which was awesome - for pictures click here, and Milan, which was delightfully nostalgic and relaxed, visits by Marike, Gerry, Maartje & Edin, Sebas & Lieke, unexpected heat, a surprising number of courses to substitute for and thereby being quite fortunate in the money department this, I would like to address something different. Do not get me wrong, it has all been great and I am enjoying myself remarkably well.

However, I want to tell you guys about my new favourite TV series. It is an American once-a-week soap opera about, you have guessed it, a large number of siblings and their respective and intertwined life. In principle, it is nothing special and the storylines are not that particularly well-thought out, but the quality of the actors makes up for a lot. The show stars big names like Sally Field, Calista Flockhart (Ally McBeal), Rob Lowe and Rachel Griffiths, as well as a number of lesser-known actors, most of whom are quite talented and succeed in making their characters very believable and interesting due to their way of portraying them.

It is not the series itself that I would like to discuss, however, but more the effect that two of the current storylines (we are now watching season 4) are having on me, one of them raking up painful memories and the other one putting a future desire into perspective, both of them providing ample food for thought.

At the moment, Kitty, the character portrayed by Calista Flockhart, has just been diagnosed with lymphoma, a form of cancer and has started chemotherapy. The way her family reacts to her disease and suffering, as well as the emphasis on care and the importance of having a support system, rather than focusing on her treatments, has been making me think of people I have lost to this disease in the past. Both my maternal grandparents, my niece Anna, my aunt (Anna's mother) and my father's second wife, all people who were very important to me at different stages in my early life, have succumbed to different variants of this same disease.

The ones that I remember most poignantly are my niece, who died at age five after a sickbed of about three years, and Marlu, my stepmother. The impression that the death of a little girl so young and so innocent made on me as an adolescent is hard to describe. The things that I remember most about her are her smile, her preference for anything pink and princess-like and her obsession with having long hair, which, due to her treatments, almost remained a dream to her. The other thing I still remember with awe, is how much effort was put into her continuing at school while ill and how her illness was integrated in the daily life of her class. There did not seem to be any secrets withheld from these 4-to-5-year-olds who were thereby exposed to the gripping reality of illness and eventual death at a much earlier age than some might deem appropriate. Those same children, even though 8 or so years have passed, seem to have been lastingly influenced by that experience and when they recently did a project on dealing with goodbyes, grief and loss, one of the girls chose to write a poem about Anna, which was forwarded to me by my mother. The poem is in Dutch and I hope the author will not mind my reproducing it here.

"Ik mis Anna, Anna van het Hekke
Jij kreeg kanker en je was heel erg ziek
Ik mis jouw lach, waar iedereen vrolijk van werd
Ik mis Anna, Anna van het Hekke
Ik denk aan jou en je prinsessenjurk
Het geeft troost als ik denk dat je een ster bent
En ik jou zie als die ster
Ik mis Anna, Anna van het Hekke
Jij kreeg kanker en je was heel erg ziek"

(written by Iris de Groot)

My stepmother Marlu, who I was very close to, and loved very much, died when I was 24 after many years of suffering. As a young adult, I was much more acutely aware of her people's perspectives on her disease, including her own, the politics of how to address this difficult situation, choices to make as to how much it should change and affect other people and coming to terms with the inevitability of how it would end as that became gradually more and more clear. One of the topics she was always very adamant about was the importance of life continuing and the other members of her family and her friends not making to many allowances on her account. There were obviously things that were no longer possible and she required a certain amount of care, but no more attention was to be given to her illness than necessary. It was occasionally alluded to and given a place as a freely discussable topic but were not permitted to make any important changes in our lives to accommodate her. Life went on as it had, with family dinners, laughter and everybody doing their share of the work, according to roles we had over the years developed and she very much remained the devoted mother and reliable confidante she had always been. They managed to make it into such a normal topic as much as life, love, school and work that I think they spared us children a lot of the fear, anger and pain they must have been feeling. The topic had been so well integrated in our lives that when the end eventually came, it was so unexpected as to dramatically increase my shock at her to my eyes sudden demise.

In Brothers & Sisters, Kitty expresses exactly the same wish, or rather command, the her loved ones should alter the course of the lives too much for her. Her disease has to be dealt with, discussed, treated, debated, but in no way should it be given more attention than it deserve or come to supersede any of the other concerns. Though I have dealt with my own personal loss of my family members and believe I have found closure, watching this storyline as it develops touches me much more than I thought it would. The very well-though out and well-performed scenes make me smile and cry with remembrance almost at the same time.

Although it is not uncommon for me to be emotionally affected by a good film, book or TV series, the effects of this storyline linger in my mind and are taking me back - in a good way. They are making me relive some episodes of my own life which I have not given enough thought to and deserve to be relived every now and then. I occasionally think of my lost loved ones, I remember them on their birthdays, when I encounter pictures of them, find myself in situations or with people that remind me of them in character or appearance and do, as all do, reminisce about the past - but though I hope they are happy life has gone on and I still remember them, it sometimes shames me to think of how little attention I really devote to them. I am not saying I believe we should dwell on the past too much and make it loom over the present like a dark cloud, I have come to respect to importance of memories and not locking the past away in a back closet of my mind. Even if those memories are not always particularly happy, they are a part of who I am and how my life has me who I am today and are therefore worth remembering, of course besides the obvious facts that these people should not be forgotten merely because they are no longer alive.

The other storyline which I referred to at the beginning of this post, is of a completely different nature. Perhaps one of the reasons I appreciate this show this much is because it brings me both reflection on past grief and a necessary reliving of sad and difficult moments, it also distinctly makes me think about the future. Kevin and Scotty are a gay couple who are married, or rather have a domestic partnership which they refer as a marriage due to the current legal system in California, and are in the process of having a baby through surrogacy. Having children is also very much something that is and has for some time been on my mind and Olaf and I are planning to have children through surrogacy in the future as well. The arguments Kevin and Scotty have, the choices they have to make, the selection of a surrogate mother, the finding of an egg donor, the impact a child will have on their lives and everything else that is part of becoming a parent and/or going through surrogacy, it is helping me shape some opinions on matters that I had either not thought about or had not given enough thought to. Watching their story develop and analysing and criticising the decisions they make, is making me feel more confident in our future and the choices I would like to make. I believe both Olaf and I are learning a lot and it is definitely providing us with topics for discussion and a chance to compare and discuss our own ideas about having children. This moment is still some years in the future for us, but it does not hurt to prepare well, now does it?

In summary, both these storylines are having large, yet widely different, effects on me. I am very glad to have been suggested this series and hope to continue enjoying it. As these effects are very personal, I will refrain from making any general recommendations, but will say it is perfectly watchable and entertaining, possibly better than average. In other words, I am hooked!!

Bart & Tineke's wedding

The last big thing I need to tell you guys about is the wedding we went to last week. We were honoured to be of the party when Bart promised eternal love and devotion to his amazing Tineke. He could not have a chosen a more beautiful spouse and they both looked brilliant. The got married in a beautiful chamber at the old city hall in The Hague and after that we were swiftly transported by tour bus to a beach club near Scheveningen for the reception and the party. Here are some of the pictures we took of the event:

The bride and groom

Joost and Kim, who are to be wed in August, were nice enough to let us stay

The happy couple about to drive off into the sunset in Bart's personally done up VW beetle cabrio. Quite literally into the sunset, actually, as they are going to be cruising through Italy, the land of sunset, for their honeymoon

After a while, the bride started to announce the less formal part of the wedding, i.e. the party, by messing up her groom's hair

Olaf tried to make a pass at the groom

And I tried to take steal some of the bride's brilliance

But in the end we had to admit they looked too perfect together and we decided to content ourselves with each other

We had taken an extremely early morning flight in and had some time to visit The Hague before the wedding. And where did we accidentally end up? At the gay pride, obviously!

For some pictures click here.

I have now brought you up-to-date of all the great things that have been happening in my life. I have got some more work on as well, which is not bad at all. The one thing I have to get used to is having to start teaching at 7.30am on two consecutive days, which seems to be a lot for my body to be able to cope with and I have not been sleeping well since that started. Oh well, as soon as I get into a rhythm it will be fine.

The sun is out and the temperature has suddenly gone up a bit. It is now 25-30 degrees C on a daily basis and I am actually started to get a summery feeling. No doubt that will all change again very soon, what with the fickle Berlin weather, but one must look at the bright side of life. I did all my summer shopping today and have decided not to wear anything but linen trousers and summer shirts until September, come rain or come shine. Olaf has left for a series of conferences and I have basically got the rest of this month to myself. I am planning to relax, get a tan and work on my social life.

And cycling back through Tiergarten park around noon, looking at all the unemployed Germans showing off their perfect bodies (for unemployed people have far too much time on their hands and all go the gym all day), with my summer playlist at maximum volume on my MP3 player (Taio Cruz' 'Break your Heart', Owl City's 'Fireflies' and Train's 'Hey Soul Sister' stand out this year), I realised I am quite content...

Max!

I am an uncle again! My sister-in-law Jolien gave birth to another healthy baby boy on 2nd June. His name is Max and he weighed almost 5,5 kgs. That must have been like giving birth to a Ming vase, my father told me I weighed less than half that when I was born! Here are some pictures of when we visited them on our way back from Dalen:

Little Max with his proud uncle

Max's older brother Neo, who was actually wearing a t-shirt saying 'big brother' in Dutch

The loving parents and their new offspring

Part of being an uncle who lives far away is making sure you always bring lots of presents when you come by for a visit to make sure your nephews and nieces don't forget you. We really hit home this time with a plastic piano which also produced animal sounds. Unfortunately, Neo associated this cow - everything he likes is called 'cow' - more with Olaf than with me

One for in the picture book about early his childhood 'My first meeting with my wacky uncles from Berlin'